A Perfect 10

Finished the season on the sideline.

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  It's not shocking news, really. I've been hinting at it, and toying with it for months. Some might say for years.

  But I'm making it official. My basketball sneakers have been hung up. For good.

  It's not as difficult to say those words, or type those words, as I thought it would be. Maybe because the signs have been pointing to 'retirement' for quite some time.

  The injuries were one thing. But the mental outlook was quite another.

  Most of you know, I was on the sideline a great deal this past season. Your body not holding up, not allowing you to do your job, spoke volumes. There was nothing more frustrating than not being able to do what you wanted to physically.

Fan art from my second year in Italy.

  But still, some might not want to end their career on the sideline. And I just could be stubborn enough to try something like that. There had to be more than a faulty back to push me into the real world.

  Mentally and emotionally, I was ready. My mind and my heart were screaming to me that my basketball career had run its course. The lifestyle, the constant moving, the uncertainty, has worn me down. I guess I've had enough.

  Ten seasons overseas is perfect anyway, don't you think? I've always been a stickler for balance and a little square that way (my nice-and-square SAT scores, for example -- exactly the same in both the math and the verbal).

A fun moment -- All Star game warm up -- Poland.

  Ten is a nice round number. Ten seasons gave me plenty of time to play basketball, the game I fell in love with as a little girl, the game that helped give me confidence and an identity, the game that has provided me with so many opportunities -- to see the world and meet incredible people, for a living!

  But now it's time for the next chapter.

  And before you ask, 'well, now what are you going to do?' Let me just say that I'm working on it!

  There are a lot of different directions I can go. So I am hoping to take some time this summer, weigh my options, and figure out what will be the next best step for me. But be certain that I will keep you all posted.  

Ready for what's next!

  So it's official now. No going back! Barring some unforeseen events, and a near-miracle, I'm done playing basketball as a professional.

  The great thing about basketball however, is that you can play whenever you want. But it won't be the basketball that I miss. I can find that anywhere.

  Being part of a team, and the competitive spirit, is irreplaceable. So here's to joining a new team...

  I'm ready, and excited for what is next. Stay tuned!

My Last Week Checklist

The beginning of my second season on the beach.

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  After two seasons in Dunkerque, my final week on the Northern French coast is upon me. What has been an easy-going, quiet, enjoyable, yet sometimes difficult, two seasons, is coming to a close.

  No matter how the prior eight months has gone, the last week always ends the same way: jam-packed, and far too quickly.

  There's always one more thing you wish you could do, one person you weren't able to say goodbye to, or a few things you couldn't manage to jam into your luggage.

With Lily last season.

  Two consecutive seasons always makes it a little more difficult. Especially here. I had previous relationships with people in Dunkerque, so saying goodbyes will be a little tougher. You just never know when you'll cross paths again.

  And, has been the case with every other club I've played with over the course of my career in Europe, the people you encounter, and the relationships you gain are invaluable. So it's necessary to say proper goodbyes, and express thanks for the opportunity you were afforded.

  Outside of goodbyes and thank yous, here's my checklist for the week:

Thanksgiving with V & Bruno last season.

• My plane ticket home has been booked, so that hasn't been a worry for quite some time. 
• Clean my apartment. I try to leave my apartment the way I found it. So I generally like to leave a clean apartment behind, as a sign of courtesy and respect for the club.
• Clear out fridge and pantry. This is always somewhat of a fine science. You never want to leave too much food behind. It's a waste! But on the other hand, you don't want to have too little to eat in your last few days either! You have to carefully calculate how much food (and coffee) you'll need for your remaining meals. All remaining food that will not spoil, along with spices and such, will go to friends. This also includes rationing out the final few drops of my contact solution! I don't want to have to buy anew bottle -- that will cost me dearly in the weight department! -- every ounce adds up!)

With the Coulont twins.

• Pack. All of my things have to fit into two bags. And preferably at 50 pounds or less each. Baggage fees are a pet peeve of mine, and I avoid them at all costs. So after two seasons this might be especially tough, since I've accumulated more things over the course of my stay in Dunkerque. Whatever doesn't fit, or is too heavy and I don't want, I will leave to friends here.
• Wire money home, and close out bank account. You obviously want all money issues resolved before you leave. Whether it'd be with your team regarding your contract, or with the bank.  Once you leave, it's difficult to conduct

  

  Thanksgiving at my place this year.

  business with a foreign bank abroad. And upon departure, you're basically forfeiting any money you're owed, if any, by leaving. Again, you have to do a little estimating. How much cash will you need in your remaining days? Once your bank account is closed, you no longer have access to the ATMs, and you don't want bring home too many euros in cash.
• Goodbye dinners, lunches, and BBQs. This week I've already had two five-hour lunches. The first with friends, and the second with my team. It's always nice to have one final gathering together to say goodbye, and wish each other well. I have one more the night before I leave with V, Bruno and Lily.
• Take in one last beachfront view. I don't know when, if ever, I'll be fortunate enough to live in a beach front apartment. It's been a special place to live for two seasons, and I hope I haven't taken one sunset or look out the window for granted.
• Reactivate my American cell phone.
• Get to the airport on time.
• Sit and wait. You've done all there is to do, you'll be home soon enough.

Three Buffs. With Caroline and V.

  It's just been in the last few years that I've begun to realize how ridiculous this whole 'process' is: packing your life into two bags, and moving back and forth across the world. It's the part I dislike the most; the transition. But it's also a necessary evil.

  This experience with professional basketball continues to be a unique one for me. I'm glad to be able to have both 'lives'; my life at home in the US, and my life overseas as a pro. So, with yet another season in the books, it's about time to head home!

Too many beautiful sunsets to count.

  Of course I'm anxious to get home and see family and friends, but you also know you'll be leaving valuable relationships behind. So while I'm looking ahead, I can't help but think about what's being left. You just hope you'll meet again!

  À bientôt --

A few more memorable moments from the last two seasons, but not all...

V & Lily -- last season -- Springtime Brunch.

Dunkerque Beer & Wine Festival with Bruno.

Two seasons with Aurelie.

Team visiting a local school.

Sunrise from my window.

The 2012-2013 squad.

Road trip to Nice!

Team awaiting the bus to head to the game.

Teammates Aurelie & Judit.

Lily!

My French 'family' -- Bruno, Lily, & V.

Life wasn't always a beach. Sometimes there was snow.

Practice with some youngsters.

Late evening on the beach.

Decision Day: Listening to Your Head, or Your Heart?

Using my extra free time to enjoy the beach.

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  The first of April was supposed to be decision day for the rest of my season. And the first of the month came and went pretty quickly.

  Quick recap: I've been out of action since early-March, nursing my always-delicate back.

  Officially, I was on 'work stoppage' -- which is beneficial for my club because they get an insurance return on my salary. But my work stoppage expired April 1st, and a decision had to be made: prolong the stoppage for the rest of the season, or give it another shot on the court.

  As you recall, I've only played in two games since Christmas, and was in and out of practice so much in February, it made my head spin.

Views from the sideline.

  While out, I was still able to workout and live my life normally, I just didn't play basketball. Ironic for a basketball player. I couldn't do the one thing that provides me a paycheck, and the one thing that puts me thousands of miles from home.

  It was a long three weeks on the sideline, but I knew I couldn't continue playing with how things were. It was for the best. I still had hope to finish the season on the court. So there was that to look forward to.

  After three weeks to let my back heal up (or so I hoped), I'd re-evaluate, and decide whether or not to give it a go for the last three games of the season.

My Initial Decision
  Going into the weekend (before 'decision' day), I had my mind made up. I was going to give it a go. I couldn't NOT try, right? If this was going to be my last season overseas, I wanted to finish it on the court. What's the worst that could happen?

  I had some friends from the US in town, and on our way to Brussels back from Amsterdam, we decided we'd go over the pros and cons of playing.

Reasons for Playing:
-This might be my last season as a pro. I wanted to finish on a 'good note'. And finish my career on the court, not on the sideline.
-It's my job to play. I had only done my job twice since Christmas.
-I wanted to play. I missed playing. Sitting out on the sideline is no fun.
-I wanted to help my teammates.

Reasons against Playing:
-We only had three games left in the season. And they were meaningless games. No playoffs. No relegation to worry about. With the exception of pride, whether we won or lost really had no bearing on anything.
-I didn't know how my back would react. Even after being out for three weeks, it might immediately tighten up, and I'd be back where I started. It felt basically the same as it had all winter, so I wasn't all that confident that it would be okay.
-I'd only played two games in three months, and hadn't touched a ball in three weeks. It was going to take time to get back into the swing of things (assuming my back held up). By the time I got back 'in form', the season would be over.
-I'd had problems with my back since my sophomore year in college. Problems that resulted in surgery. Since that surgery in 2001, I had been relatively healthy until this point. Why tempt things?
-I could further injure myself. Playing injured/careful often leads to more problems.

  What would you decide? 

Dunkerque.

Considering the Whole Situation
  After my friends and I went over the pros and cons, I kind of thought to myself: 'I've lost sight of what's important.'

  Thankfully I had friends around who were willing to point out the things I was overlooking.

  All I could see was that I wanted to play, and not the things that could result from that happening. They overwhelmingly thought I shouldn't play. And honestly, that surprised me. There was nothing to gain, they said. More bad can come from it than good.

  'Yeah, but I want to play,' I thought to myself. 

  I took their words into consideration, but still had yet to make up my mind when I left them at the airport in Brussels.

The Last Straw

At least there are pretty sights to look at.

  I returned to Dunkerque Sunday night, after dropping them off, and turned on the men's NCAA tournament.

  Louisville vs. Duke.

  Kevin Ware.

  That pretty much sealed the deal for me.

  He horrifically injured himself on a normal, run-of-the-mill play. It wasn't anything out of the ordinary. In fact, it's a play that occurs 10-15 times, maybe more, every game.

  And with that, my decision was made. My health was most important. And my season was over.

Handling the Cards We've Been Dealt
  I'm finishing my contract, and remaining with the team through our final game. I at least want to finish that.

Future DMBC ballers: Went to a youth game too!

  It's been an odd last half of the season. And slightly difficult for me to adjust to not playing.

  As I've written before, the sole purpose I'm in Europe is to play basketball. That's my job. My passion. And a big part of my identity. For that to be removed from the equation threw me off balance for a while. But I've recovered, and mentally I'm okay with the hand I've been dealt.

  Things never quite go as we expect them to. But like anything, life is how we react to the things that happen to us.  Dwell on it, or readjust and move on.

  I've used these weeks away from basketball to get my back as healthy as I can, and to re-evaluate my situation, and my career. Maybe it's been good to have basketball removed, it gives me a little taste of what's to come.

The Great Intangible -- Being a Teammate

This year's squad.

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  When you're on the sideline, you tend to notice the little nuances about your team. You see the things that make it 'tick'. The good, the bad, the ugly. It amounts to being an outsider, with inside information.

  You see interactions and chemistry in a new way. Not being on the court during games and practices gives you a different perspective. The emotion of the game is taken out of it, so you can see things for what they are.

  It also makes you see and remember all the things it requires to be on a great team. And miss all the things you don't have.

  I guess it's true: "You don't know what you've got 'til it's gone."

It's Not a Right
  I look at being on a team as a privilege. It's not a right. Especially as you grow older.

  As a kid, everyone is on a team. You sign up, you get a jersey. Easy as that. As you get older, maybe you have to try out. Teams get a more selective as the talent gets better and better. But as a pro, and even as a collegiate athlete, they ask you to be on their team.

The Intangibles
  I think there are two qualities that make or break your chances of being a member of a team as you get deeper and deeper into your playing career: 1) talent, of course, and 2) being a great teammate, having the intangibles.

  If you have both of those qualities, it's very likely you'll be asked to be a part of quite a few teams in your day. Your career will be a long one. There won't be a team out there that doesn't want you on their squad.

  If you're a talented athlete only, and not a stellar teammate, chances are you'll still be sought out quite often to be a part of a team. Pure talent overrides attitude and intangibles in many cases. But after time, your reputation will catch up with you, and the well will run dry. People, coaches, managers, etc will catch wind of your unwillingness to be a teammate first.

  On the contrary, if you're just an okay athlete, but a great teammate, your career will be just as long, if not longer. By being a great teammate, you can make up for any downfalls you have as a player. 

  What makes a great teammate?

Probably the best 'team' I've been a part of.

Positivity
  Having a positive attitude is A, number one. I think it goes without saying, but you'd be surprised how often athletes are mired in negativity. Through thick and thin, a great teammate remains upbeat, and encouraging.

  Seasons are long, and there are a lot of ups and downs. Whether you're playing well, or not (or maybe not playing as much as you'd like). A great attitude can push you towards playing even better (or more).

  Looking from the outside, a negative attitude (pouting, disinterest, lack of effort, etc) is the fastest way to get yourself a selfish player label. 

Tireless Worker
  Great work ethic and positivity go hand in hand. And often times, they're both contagious. You talk, your teammates talk. You go out of your way to help a fallen teammate up, they're going to be more apt to do the same. You see your teammate working their tail off, you turn it up a few notches, to either match their effort, or surpass it.

  And a hard working team can't help but be successful. 

Make Your Teammates Look Good
  You make your teammates better players. I think it's a teammate's responsibility to do everything they can to help their other teammates succeed. Rotating over to help out on defense (there's nothing worse than seeing an opponent stroll in for an uncontested layin because no one rotated to help). Setting a solid screen (even if it hurts). Making a perfect pass, so all they have to do is put the ball in the bucket.

  Being a great teammate is also the willingness to go the extra mile (or kilometer, since I'm in Europe) for your teammates every time you step onto the court.

  Each member of a team has a role. No matter how big, or how small , for a team to be successful, those roles have to be fulfilled each and every time the ball goes up. You want to pull your own weight, do your job and not let your teammates down.

  Look at your role as your job. In order to do your job, first, you need to know your role. What is expected of you? What are your team's strategies, both offensively and defensively? To me, letting down a trusting teammate is the worst feeling on the basketball court.

Intangibles lead to celebrations -- Como.

Team First
  Putting the success of your team before your individual success. Are you trying to win the game, or are you trying to score 20 points?

  Sometimes you have to sacrifice a little personal success for the betterment of the team. Whether it'd be playing fewer minutes, making the extra pass, taking a tough defensive assignment, or maybe playing a different role than the one you initially had in mind (all the while keeping a good attitude), there are numerous ways to sacrifice for the good of your team.

  You cannot play with yourself, and only yourself, in mind. If you do, you might as well go play tennis, or golf.

Trust
  Through all these elements, you and your teammates develop a trust. A trust that you'll be there when the chips are down. Whether you're tired, hurting, or on the contrary, completely healthy, you'll be there. They can count on you, and you can count on them. It has to go both ways.

  And trust, to me, is the crucial key to playing on a successful team. But it all starts from you striving to be a great teammate first.

  It's not always easy, but it'll be well-worth it!

  Playing on a team, and having great teammates, is a special situation. I think I've taken it for granted when my teams have had 'it'. But not every team has it -- where each member is striving to be a better teammate. It's what separates good teams from bad. And great teams from good.

  But it's those the teams, those seasons, you remember with a smile.

Season Cut Short?

Warming up vs. Nice.

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  Last week I made a tough decision. After taking two steps forward, and subsequently falling three steps back each and every week, my coach and I decided to shut things down for the rest of the month. Possibly for the season. And quite likely, for good.

  The last couple of months have been strange. I initially 'tweaked' my back the first week in January. I guess I took it for granted, because I thought it was just a run of the mill tweak. I'd be fine in a few days, and my season would carry on, as usual. But the last two months have been anything but usual.

  While I can physically play, every morning I wake up to a question mark. And the answer generally depends on what I've done the day before.

  I run, I'm fine. I play basketball, I hurt. Obviously as a basketball player, that puts me in a bad situation. It's not a good one physically or psychologically.

  One or two days of practice leads to a lot muscle tightness and back pain. So I'm forced to sit out a couple more days of practice. By game day, I'm neither physically prepared nor mentally -- because I'm unsure if I'll even be able to play.

Nice pre-game.

  When I have played (two games since Christmas), I haven't played well. I'm hesitant, and anticipating, bracing for the twinge and tightness in my back to come. And that's not beneficial for anyone, not me or my team. Nor is it fun.

  That's been the cycle for the past several weeks. It's not fair for anyone involved: my team and teammates, my coach, and me.

  So that's why the decision had to be made. No basketball through March. And then we'll see.

  It's difficult for me to say 'I'm not playing' without even knowing how I'll feel on any particular day. But I've tried the alternative, with no improvement, and it's only lead to more discomfort and frustration.

  It's also difficult to basically tell my teammates I won't be on the court with them for a while. I feel like I've abandoned them.

  It's a little (or a lot) strange to be able to lead my everyday life as if nothing were wrong physically. I just can't play basketball. And that hasn't been part of my everyday life since before I can remember.

My spot behind the huddle, not in the huddle.

  I can't deny that I'm not thinking about the future. Not future seasons, however. About my life after the ball stops bouncing. I want to live a healthy, active life long after my career playing basketball is over. So my future health is what carries the most weight right now.

  I have a long history with my back. It goes back to my college days, and it is always a concern. If something else were ailing? Maybe I wouldn't be as cautious, as protective, as I'm being.

  Thankfully, I have a coach who understands my feelings and has my back, so to speak, 100%. Had he not been supportive, I'd probably be out on the court, playing through pain.

Player introductions.

  Even if I am done for the season, I'm truly undecided about any future seasons. Though in my heart I feel like this will be my last season as a pro. But I've learned to never say never (I never would have thought this is how season number 10 would go!), and I have to leave the door cracked open, even if just a little bit!

  You'd like to think you'll have one memorable last hurrah of sorts. But not many are lucky enough to have it happen that way (even MJ messed his up!). I'll just have to rely on the thousand and thousands of days spent on the court as my memorable moment.

  Those are the breaks! Basketball's a physical game. Both in the way it's played, and in the demands it places on your body. So injuries happen. And they happen when they want. They're never at the 'right' time, and never can be predicted.

  I'll focus on getting my back and core as healthy and as strong as possible, and re-visit playing in a couple weeks. But without question, I have things in proper perspective!

A Delayed Debut

A fun graphic I put together.

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  A glance at the calendar tells me it's a little late in the year to be making debuts. But Saturday marked my 2013 basketball debut.

  Going into the game, I wasn't sure if it was going to happen. And if I did get into the game, I was even more unsure of how it was going to go. After missing my team's previous four games (because of a back injury) since the flip of the calendar year, I finally put on my uniform, and was able to compete with my teammates.

  All day Saturday, and leading up to tip-off, I was a question mark. I hadn't been in practice the two days prior, and the two practices I had participated in during the week, were touch and go.

  I thought I'd be okay to play. But your mind and your body are two very different things. Often times, your mind is willing while your body says otherwise.

  I just wanted to be smart, and do the right thing for my team and myself.

Differing Mindsets: Before, During, and After the Game
  It's interesting how different your approach, and mindset, is going into a game you are unsure you will be able to play in. When healthy/normal, you're focused on your performance and particulars about your opponent.

Team huddle, earlier in the season.

  When your 'form' is up in the air, your focus is solely on yourself. Will I be able to play? What will my body allow me to do? There are so many uncertainties that you hardly think of the people you are playing against.

  Will I be able to help my team, or will I hurt it? You always have to put the good of the team first (along with your own personal health, of course). If, when going through warm ups, I wasn't comfortable with my ability to move and play, I would have shut it down.

  Even after the game, my feelings were different than normal. We lost, and I was upset about that. But when your main concern is surviving the game uninjured, it gives you a slightly different perspective. Usually I'm very critical of my own play. When you've been on the sidelines for six weeks, and only practiced a handful of times in that time frame, you give yourself a little more leeway. 

Game action from earlier in the season.

Confident but Rusty
  I was able to play freely. But it was never far from my mind, that it was my first game in over six weeks, and first time playing an extended period of time.

  I wasn't as rusty as I thought I would be. But I was playing with no legs, and even less explosion than I'm used to, so that was a tough adjustment. It was a start, and I'm glad I got the first game back under my belt.

  As I've written before, you have to trust in your body, and have confidence that it won't fail when going up for a rebound, or driving to the basket. For the most part, I had that on Saturday. And as long as I continue to feel comfortable and confident, I'll be out on the court, doing my best to help my team win!

Time on the Sideline

Team sweats have been my uniform as of late.

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  I haven't written about my on-going season is quite some time.

  I initially stopped writing game recaps when I found myself frustrated with how my team's season was going. It was almost as if I felt like I was jinxing our team. The more I wrote about us, the worse we did. So I stopped.

  But by this point, nearly six weeks into our second half schedule, I thought I would be back giving you all game updates. I thought we'd turn our season around, things would start looking up, and I'd want to share that turnaround.

  And it's not that a turnaround hasn't happened -- we're .500 since resuming play. But I haven't been on the court much since the New Year. In fact, I have yet to play a game in 2013.

  I was bitten by the injury bug.

My Aching Back
  The injury that always seems to get me at one point or another during the year, my bad back, finally got me. It was nothing out of the ordinary, the same as what always happens. I'm usually out for two to three days, and then I'm back at it. But not this time.

  The timing of this back tweak couldn't have been worse. It was a few hours before we were to leave on a 17-hour bus ride. If there's anything that doesn't mix with back pain/injuries, it's a road trip -- and a long one at that. Knowing I wouldn't be able to play, I stayed home. I felt that would give me the best chance at a quick recovery.

I'll be back to this soon.

  Almost five weeks, and four missed games later, here I am still trying to get back on the court full-time.

  There have been four attempts, counting this week's, to get back into practice. The previous three all ended the same: with me on the sideline, frustrated and stretching.

  I think I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel (but I remember thinking that several weeks ago, only to have the tunnel go dark again).

No Playing 'Careful'
  Here's the thing about coming back from injury: you have to be comfortable, and you have to be 100% confident in your body to play at a high level.

  Last week was the first time I participated in a full practice with my teammates, complete with some five-on-five scrimmaging. My body felt insecure. I felt any wrong twist or turn would end in pain. Anything I did too quickly, I feared. I kept telling myself that I needed to be 'careful', and not get too carried away.

  I was neither comfortable, nor confident. In fact, I felt like a robot.

  At some point during the practice, I forgot about thinking. Instinct took over, and I loosened up. Just as that happened, I drove baseline, twisted to the right, and laid a pass off to a cutting teammate for a layup. Good play, but it sent me to the sideline in pain. 

  Basketball is a game of reactions, your instinct will take over sooner or later, and you won't be able to 'play careful'.

Nothing to do, but cheer.

  If you have to think, you cannot play. If you're trying to protect yourself, or play cautiously, you cannot play. Yes, you can play. But not effectively. And that doesn't do your team, your teammates, or yourself, justice.

  Also, playing at less than 100%, is a good way to further injure yourself.

  When you've been on the sidelines for what you feel is too long, you start to doubt yourself. You think: Am I being too cautious? Do I just need to get out there? But at the end of the day, only you know your body. Only you know what you are feeling. You have to continue to listen to your body, and go with your instinct.

  At the time, I did not think that tweak five weeks ago would have kept me off the court for so long. But that's the way it goes sometimes. You cannot rush, and you cannot speed up recovery before your body is ready.

  It's definitely been a long five weeks -- not being able to participate in practice and games -- but I think I'm getting there. We have one more bye this weekend, so I am confident that I'll be on the court with my teammates come gameday next Saturday!