A Perfect 10

Finished the season on the sideline.

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  It's not shocking news, really. I've been hinting at it, and toying with it for months. Some might say for years.

  But I'm making it official. My basketball sneakers have been hung up. For good.

  It's not as difficult to say those words, or type those words, as I thought it would be. Maybe because the signs have been pointing to 'retirement' for quite some time.

  The injuries were one thing. But the mental outlook was quite another.

  Most of you know, I was on the sideline a great deal this past season. Your body not holding up, not allowing you to do your job, spoke volumes. There was nothing more frustrating than not being able to do what you wanted to physically.

Fan art from my second year in Italy.

  But still, some might not want to end their career on the sideline. And I just could be stubborn enough to try something like that. There had to be more than a faulty back to push me into the real world.

  Mentally and emotionally, I was ready. My mind and my heart were screaming to me that my basketball career had run its course. The lifestyle, the constant moving, the uncertainty, has worn me down. I guess I've had enough.

  Ten seasons overseas is perfect anyway, don't you think? I've always been a stickler for balance and a little square that way (my nice-and-square SAT scores, for example -- exactly the same in both the math and the verbal).

A fun moment -- All Star game warm up -- Poland.

  Ten is a nice round number. Ten seasons gave me plenty of time to play basketball, the game I fell in love with as a little girl, the game that helped give me confidence and an identity, the game that has provided me with so many opportunities -- to see the world and meet incredible people, for a living!

  But now it's time for the next chapter.

  And before you ask, 'well, now what are you going to do?' Let me just say that I'm working on it!

  There are a lot of different directions I can go. So I am hoping to take some time this summer, weigh my options, and figure out what will be the next best step for me. But be certain that I will keep you all posted.  

Ready for what's next!

  So it's official now. No going back! Barring some unforeseen events, and a near-miracle, I'm done playing basketball as a professional.

  The great thing about basketball however, is that you can play whenever you want. But it won't be the basketball that I miss. I can find that anywhere.

  Being part of a team, and the competitive spirit, is irreplaceable. So here's to joining a new team...

  I'm ready, and excited for what is next. Stay tuned!

My Last Week Checklist

The beginning of my second season on the beach.

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  After two seasons in Dunkerque, my final week on the Northern French coast is upon me. What has been an easy-going, quiet, enjoyable, yet sometimes difficult, two seasons, is coming to a close.

  No matter how the prior eight months has gone, the last week always ends the same way: jam-packed, and far too quickly.

  There's always one more thing you wish you could do, one person you weren't able to say goodbye to, or a few things you couldn't manage to jam into your luggage.

With Lily last season.

  Two consecutive seasons always makes it a little more difficult. Especially here. I had previous relationships with people in Dunkerque, so saying goodbyes will be a little tougher. You just never know when you'll cross paths again.

  And, has been the case with every other club I've played with over the course of my career in Europe, the people you encounter, and the relationships you gain are invaluable. So it's necessary to say proper goodbyes, and express thanks for the opportunity you were afforded.

  Outside of goodbyes and thank yous, here's my checklist for the week:

Thanksgiving with V & Bruno last season.

• My plane ticket home has been booked, so that hasn't been a worry for quite some time. 
• Clean my apartment. I try to leave my apartment the way I found it. So I generally like to leave a clean apartment behind, as a sign of courtesy and respect for the club.
• Clear out fridge and pantry. This is always somewhat of a fine science. You never want to leave too much food behind. It's a waste! But on the other hand, you don't want to have too little to eat in your last few days either! You have to carefully calculate how much food (and coffee) you'll need for your remaining meals. All remaining food that will not spoil, along with spices and such, will go to friends. This also includes rationing out the final few drops of my contact solution! I don't want to have to buy anew bottle -- that will cost me dearly in the weight department! -- every ounce adds up!)

With the Coulont twins.

• Pack. All of my things have to fit into two bags. And preferably at 50 pounds or less each. Baggage fees are a pet peeve of mine, and I avoid them at all costs. So after two seasons this might be especially tough, since I've accumulated more things over the course of my stay in Dunkerque. Whatever doesn't fit, or is too heavy and I don't want, I will leave to friends here.
• Wire money home, and close out bank account. You obviously want all money issues resolved before you leave. Whether it'd be with your team regarding your contract, or with the bank.  Once you leave, it's difficult to conduct

  

  Thanksgiving at my place this year.

  business with a foreign bank abroad. And upon departure, you're basically forfeiting any money you're owed, if any, by leaving. Again, you have to do a little estimating. How much cash will you need in your remaining days? Once your bank account is closed, you no longer have access to the ATMs, and you don't want bring home too many euros in cash.
• Goodbye dinners, lunches, and BBQs. This week I've already had two five-hour lunches. The first with friends, and the second with my team. It's always nice to have one final gathering together to say goodbye, and wish each other well. I have one more the night before I leave with V, Bruno and Lily.
• Take in one last beachfront view. I don't know when, if ever, I'll be fortunate enough to live in a beach front apartment. It's been a special place to live for two seasons, and I hope I haven't taken one sunset or look out the window for granted.
• Reactivate my American cell phone.
• Get to the airport on time.
• Sit and wait. You've done all there is to do, you'll be home soon enough.

Three Buffs. With Caroline and V.

  It's just been in the last few years that I've begun to realize how ridiculous this whole 'process' is: packing your life into two bags, and moving back and forth across the world. It's the part I dislike the most; the transition. But it's also a necessary evil.

  This experience with professional basketball continues to be a unique one for me. I'm glad to be able to have both 'lives'; my life at home in the US, and my life overseas as a pro. So, with yet another season in the books, it's about time to head home!

Too many beautiful sunsets to count.

  Of course I'm anxious to get home and see family and friends, but you also know you'll be leaving valuable relationships behind. So while I'm looking ahead, I can't help but think about what's being left. You just hope you'll meet again!

  À bientôt --

A few more memorable moments from the last two seasons, but not all...

V & Lily -- last season -- Springtime Brunch.

Dunkerque Beer & Wine Festival with Bruno.

Two seasons with Aurelie.

Team visiting a local school.

Sunrise from my window.

The 2012-2013 squad.

Road trip to Nice!

Team awaiting the bus to head to the game.

Teammates Aurelie & Judit.

Lily!

My French 'family' -- Bruno, Lily, & V.

Life wasn't always a beach. Sometimes there was snow.

Practice with some youngsters.

Late evening on the beach.

Decision Day: Listening to Your Head, or Your Heart?

Using my extra free time to enjoy the beach.

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  The first of April was supposed to be decision day for the rest of my season. And the first of the month came and went pretty quickly.

  Quick recap: I've been out of action since early-March, nursing my always-delicate back.

  Officially, I was on 'work stoppage' -- which is beneficial for my club because they get an insurance return on my salary. But my work stoppage expired April 1st, and a decision had to be made: prolong the stoppage for the rest of the season, or give it another shot on the court.

  As you recall, I've only played in two games since Christmas, and was in and out of practice so much in February, it made my head spin.

Views from the sideline.

  While out, I was still able to workout and live my life normally, I just didn't play basketball. Ironic for a basketball player. I couldn't do the one thing that provides me a paycheck, and the one thing that puts me thousands of miles from home.

  It was a long three weeks on the sideline, but I knew I couldn't continue playing with how things were. It was for the best. I still had hope to finish the season on the court. So there was that to look forward to.

  After three weeks to let my back heal up (or so I hoped), I'd re-evaluate, and decide whether or not to give it a go for the last three games of the season.

My Initial Decision
  Going into the weekend (before 'decision' day), I had my mind made up. I was going to give it a go. I couldn't NOT try, right? If this was going to be my last season overseas, I wanted to finish it on the court. What's the worst that could happen?

  I had some friends from the US in town, and on our way to Brussels back from Amsterdam, we decided we'd go over the pros and cons of playing.

Reasons for Playing:
-This might be my last season as a pro. I wanted to finish on a 'good note'. And finish my career on the court, not on the sideline.
-It's my job to play. I had only done my job twice since Christmas.
-I wanted to play. I missed playing. Sitting out on the sideline is no fun.
-I wanted to help my teammates.

Reasons against Playing:
-We only had three games left in the season. And they were meaningless games. No playoffs. No relegation to worry about. With the exception of pride, whether we won or lost really had no bearing on anything.
-I didn't know how my back would react. Even after being out for three weeks, it might immediately tighten up, and I'd be back where I started. It felt basically the same as it had all winter, so I wasn't all that confident that it would be okay.
-I'd only played two games in three months, and hadn't touched a ball in three weeks. It was going to take time to get back into the swing of things (assuming my back held up). By the time I got back 'in form', the season would be over.
-I'd had problems with my back since my sophomore year in college. Problems that resulted in surgery. Since that surgery in 2001, I had been relatively healthy until this point. Why tempt things?
-I could further injure myself. Playing injured/careful often leads to more problems.

  What would you decide? 

Dunkerque.

Considering the Whole Situation
  After my friends and I went over the pros and cons, I kind of thought to myself: 'I've lost sight of what's important.'

  Thankfully I had friends around who were willing to point out the things I was overlooking.

  All I could see was that I wanted to play, and not the things that could result from that happening. They overwhelmingly thought I shouldn't play. And honestly, that surprised me. There was nothing to gain, they said. More bad can come from it than good.

  'Yeah, but I want to play,' I thought to myself. 

  I took their words into consideration, but still had yet to make up my mind when I left them at the airport in Brussels.

The Last Straw

At least there are pretty sights to look at.

  I returned to Dunkerque Sunday night, after dropping them off, and turned on the men's NCAA tournament.

  Louisville vs. Duke.

  Kevin Ware.

  That pretty much sealed the deal for me.

  He horrifically injured himself on a normal, run-of-the-mill play. It wasn't anything out of the ordinary. In fact, it's a play that occurs 10-15 times, maybe more, every game.

  And with that, my decision was made. My health was most important. And my season was over.

Handling the Cards We've Been Dealt
  I'm finishing my contract, and remaining with the team through our final game. I at least want to finish that.

Future DMBC ballers: Went to a youth game too!

  It's been an odd last half of the season. And slightly difficult for me to adjust to not playing.

  As I've written before, the sole purpose I'm in Europe is to play basketball. That's my job. My passion. And a big part of my identity. For that to be removed from the equation threw me off balance for a while. But I've recovered, and mentally I'm okay with the hand I've been dealt.

  Things never quite go as we expect them to. But like anything, life is how we react to the things that happen to us.  Dwell on it, or readjust and move on.

  I've used these weeks away from basketball to get my back as healthy as I can, and to re-evaluate my situation, and my career. Maybe it's been good to have basketball removed, it gives me a little taste of what's to come.

The First of a Tale of Two Cities: Amsterdam

Dinner in Amsterdam, with Rene, Tera, and Tracie.

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  Amsterdam-bound Easter weekend! And unlike my usual solo-traveling-ventures, this time, with a few friends alongside me.

  Even though this was not a last-minute trip, we didn't have much of a plan in place. Our only goal was to see the as much as the Dutch capital as we could, and enjoy each other's company.

  No matter how much traveling you've done, you always come into a city with a few prejudices in mind. Whether those ideas are accurate, well, that's for you to decide after you've spent some time exploring.

  It's safe to say everyone knows about Amsterdam because of the Red Light District. That's always the first thing that comes to mind. But surely there had to be more to this city than the 'heathenism' (sorry, don't know of a better word) found within the boundaries of red lights.

  That's what I wanted to find out -- what else was there to find in Amsterdam? Because I certainly wasn't visiting for the Red Light District.

Dam Square.

  Leaving Dunkerque on that Friday afternoon, and driving into Amsterdam three hours later was the equivalent of an almost-instant time warp. One world into another.

  I've written about feeling that way before: last year when I visited London, and again this year when visiting Paris. A few hours on the train was all it took to transport me into an alternate universe.

  It's always nice, having the ability to easily travel outside of small-town Dunkerque, into an international city. This time around, it was via a three-hour car ride.

  Here's what our weekend in Amsterdam looked like, Red Light District and all:

Tracie, Tera and Rene working on our game plan for the night.

FRIDAY
  You know how difficult it is to get away on time, heading out on a road trip. My friends and I got a late start out of Dunkerque for various reasons. Bad traffic, and a few wrong turns put us even further behind schedule. We arrived around 6pm, with sore legs and backs from being squished inside a tiny car for four hours.

  For the second time, I used AirBnB to book a place to stay. As we checked into the house that was to be our home for the weekend, we tried to game plan for the evening: a little exploration of the city, and dinner. Nothing too wild and crazy.  

Dutch Food?
  None of us had a taste for anything specific, and what exactly is Dutch food anyway? Whenever you visit a new country, you'd like to explore a little of the cuisine. But I can't say I knew of anything that was particularly Dutch. So we were open to anything.

Wandering the streets, just off Dam Square.

  We enjoyed a small happy hour of our own at our place while we made up our minds. Our hosts messaged us a few 'cool' areas of Amsterdam where we would be able to pick out a fun restaurant.

  The 'cool' area we decided on, and the easiest for us to get to, ended up being Dam Square. So we hopped on the tram, and 15 minutes later, we were smack dab in the middle of it all. Las Vegas on caffeine, or something like that.

Wasting Little Time -- the Red Light District
  As we got our bearings, and walked a little, Dam Square accidentally (no really) led to the Red Light District. I thought I knew what to expect from the Red Light District, but really, I didn't. I'm pretty sure my jaw was on the ground the entire time. It was hard for it not to be, with legalized marijuana (sold in 'coffee shops'), legal prostitution and the like, surrounding us.

  That's far from my usual 'entertainment'.

De Wallen.

  I don't know why they call it a district, because it's certainly not one specific area. Random side streets, marked off with small red lights, essentially make up the Red Light District.

  So we unknowingly stumbled into the thick of it all, with hundreds of other tourists (which, to my estimate were 90% men). Nothing like getting to the nitty-gritty right off the bat!

  We couldn't help but laugh at ourselves. And stare.

  Once the novelty of the Red Light District wore off, we decided it was time to actually do what we had gone to Dam Square to do: eat dinner. Starving and cold, we found a little Italian place (aren't they always little?) that looked pretty good. It smelled delicious the instant we opened the door, Café Piazza it was! Hard not to enjoy a pizza and tiramisu. 

Freezing cold waiting on the tram to take us home!

  As always, the great thing about being in an international city, is the ability to shop at international stores and eat at international restaurants. Whatever you want, you usually can find it in a place such as Amsterdam. When I'm overseas for months at a time, that is something I always look forward to.

  After a good dinner, we made our way back to Dam Square, to hop on the tram back to our house.

  Our first night in the city, had definitely given me one impression of Amsterdam, and I can't say it was a favorable one. It wasn't that I didn't enjoy the night. But I kept wondering how people lived, or spent much time amongst the madness.

  You can't visit Amsterdam and not walk through the Red Light District. But with that checked off the list, I was ready to see what else the Dutch capital had to offer.

  My mind remained open, and had I two more days to change my first impression...parts two and three to follow!

Dam Square.

Dam Square.

One of the 'seed' shops.

Wandering streets, what we did best.

Rene's for Rene.

Non Red Light District. I think.

Red lights in the Red Light District.

Rookie to Veteran

 Our scudetto dinner -- celebrating our championship!

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  Somewhere along the line I went from rookie on the team, to team vet. The team 'baby', to team 'mom'. The young and spry one, with her whole career ahead of her, to the not-so-spry-one, with her career coming to a close.

  I don't know exactly where the transition point occurred, but I've been fully towards the side of 'experienced' for quite some time now.

  I look back on the things I did, the way I was as a rookie, or a younger player, and laugh a little. I recognize the ways I have changed as my career has progressed, and of course you think you've changed for the better.

  Even so, it's always fun to look back.

  One thing you always wish you could do is ease the growing pains of the the younger version of yourself. To educate her on a few things: the expectations on the court, the ways of the leagues, how to be better prepared, how to take care of her body, and living abroad in general.

  But I suppose that's the whole point of being a rookie. It's your time to learn. Nearly every experience is a new one. And no one can give you the answers. You have to figure it out for yourself, and adjust accordingly. You either figure it out, or you head home.

Mental Adjustments

Warming up for my first game as a pro!

  I was blessed with an amazing team my rookie year in Italy (Como). We had an incredible group of professionals who couldn't have been better role models for me. I was lucky to have them to learn from. And I think it was my two years in Como that really shaped me as a professional, and set the tone for the rest of my playing career.

  I looked up to my older, more-experienced teammates, and admired them a great deal. I remember wondering how they 'did it' on a day-to day basis. Their consistency. They were always there, physically and mentally. No matter what. I strived to match them.

  So between my rookie year in 2003-2004 and now, I've hopefully grown into a player the younger girls on my recent teams look at in a similar manner.

  I've never been the 'team mom' type, and I never will be. I'm not the rah-rah cheerleader. But I will lead by example.

La Comense strolling the streets in Sicily.

   As a rookie, I didn't understand the expectations that were on me as a player. I was happy to be on a successful team. I saw the team's success as my own success. But at some point, the team (president, management, coaches, sponsors) wanted a high individual return on their investment.

  It took me several years to figure out, especially as a foreigner, you have to produce, statistically speaking. If you're on a winning team, all is well. But the second your team loses and you're not meeting individual expectations, there will be hell to pay.

  It wasn't college anymore. We had a team system, but it wasn't nearly as strict as the one I had played in at Colorado. It took some time, and some adjusting, but after several rough patches, I got through it.

  I took everything on a day-to-day basis my first few years. I didn't see much of the big picture. If I wasn't playing well, was home sick, or had just had a spat with my coach, it was the end of the world. Now, I brush it off, and know things will bounce back in the other direction as long as I keep plugging along.

Celebrating our championship!

  I also went from from not understanding at thing, whether it'd be specific things in practice, how leagues/championships function, or just day-to-day life as an American in Europe.

  On the court, this where I relied on my teammates again. If I didn't understand (because of language), I had to pay extra attention to them, to figure out what was going on. Practice wasn't going to stop just for you. I eventually learned Italian, and didn't have to rely on watching to understand.

  But the same can be said for my on-the-court adjusting with every team I've ever been on (eight countries in 10 seasons means a lot of different languages!).

  I learned the importance of the league championship because of how my teammates reacted. We won the Italian Championship my rookie year. And I didn't quite understand the magnitude of it until I realized just how important it was to my teammates. It was rare. And the only championship I've won as a pro.

My team vets -- they showed me the ropes!

  Another mental shift was probably the most important one I made. It was what allowed me to make a career out of basketball. It was realizing it was okay for me to be a basketball player.

  Prior to understanding this, I felt pressure to being doing something more 'grown up', and to know exactly what I wanted to do when I was done playing. While in my head I thought, 'I am doing what I want to do'!

  Now, I understand that a career as basketball player is a short one. And it's not a career that everyone gets the opportunity to experience, so I am making the most of it. And while life after basketball is still a daunting one, I'll tackle it, just as I've tackled every other crossroads in my life. 
 
Anything For a Little Extra Sleep
  I remember timing, to the last possible second, when I'd have to leave the house for practice. Heaven forbid I get there too early. In Como, I'd get caught on a regular basis, at the train tracks on my way to the gym. And each time, I'd freak out that it'd make me late. Thankfully, I never was.

  Or timing my morning routine to a T, so I didn't have to get up a second too early. At some point I started setting my alarm two hours before practice, no matter what.

My German team in the oldest gym ever. At least it seemed like it.

  I used to look at, morning practice especially, as something you just had to 'get through'. Your body was tired. You were sleepy. It wasn't even a full practice. You just had to get through it for an hour or so, and then you could hurry back home, have lunch, and try to have a nap before evening practice later in the day.

  Now I look at any practice as a chance to get better. If I'm going to be there, I might as well either get a good workout in, or sharpen up my skills, and make it worth my time. Also, being ready for practice means getting there in plenty of time, so you no longer find me waiting until the last possible moment to leave my apartment.

  One rookie mistake I never made was being late to practice. Something like that is international, and I had been well-trained in my four years at Colorado.

Physical Adjustments
  Mental and physical adjustments go hand in hand. My first few years, I was very insecure as a player. I was unsure of my game, and how I was going to contribute to my team. Every week was different. I was inconsistent. And I felt the pressure to play better.

  Maybe as I grew to understand the expectations placed on me, I've grown to have 100% confidence in what I do, and how I play. I'm comfortable with what I do on the court, and the things that I bring to my team. I'm not trying to be someone I'm not. I just try to be the best player that I can be. 

Wolfenbüttel, Germany.

  This might go without saying, but like many rookies, I never stretched. Before, during, or after practice. Now, there's really not a time I'm not stretching. Ask my teammates. You have to take care of your body if you want to last in this profession.

  Another huge change has been my attitude about my conditioning. Until my third year as a pro, I never did any extra work during the season. Whatever we did in practice, I though, that was enough for me.

  Over time, I grew to take pride in my conditioning, and my body. I learned that my body was the way I earned a paycheck. And an unhealthy body wasn't going to do me any good.

  The same can be said for my eating habits. Across the board, I've become a much healthier person from the time I was a rookie, until now.

Off the Court
  Adjusting to life in Europe off the court had just as many bumps as my on-the-court adjustment did. In my first years abroad, I complained constantly about the things you couldn't get in Europe. The midday closures. How impossible it was to get anything done (it took a month to get a phone line -- and internet -- installed in my house, for example). I'd get 'America sick' very easily.

Adriatic Sea -- in Croatia.

  To be honest, I have no idea how I survived my first two years in Italy. For one, I had dial up internet (no Skype, etc)! And 10 TV channels (all in Italian). I guess that explains why I can speak some Italian. And again, a testament to my teammates.

  I think my life was much more structured my first few years as a pro. We had two-a-days every day, the entire season. This was my life: practice, eat, rest, eat, practice, eat, sleep. Then do it all over again the next day.

  These days, I try (try, being the operative word) not to sweat what I can't control. I appreciate the pace of life in Europe a whole lot more than I did when I first played in Italy. Things are much simpler. 

  I distinctly remember having countdowns (until the day I got to go home), and eagerly crossing days off the calendar. Sometimes the countdown started as high as 70 days! It wasn't that I disliked my time in Europe, it was that I felt that I was constantly 'missing out' on something since I was always gone.

Hanging with teammates in Poland.

  Now, I'm not really in any hurry. I've found ways to meaningfully make use of my days. And I no longer feel like I'm always missing out because I'm in Europe. I look at my experience here just as as valuable, if not more so, than anything I would be doing in the US.

  I remember the day I got my first pay check as pro. My coach was actually the one who pointed it out to me. Up until that point, it didn't dawn on me, that I was actually a professional basketball player. I loved the game, loved to play, and I was just proceeding with the next step in my career.

  And I've been extremely blessed to do so. I look at my years in Europe as an enormous time for individual growth. You learn to believe in yourself because it's just you out here. Day in, and day out, you're the only one you can really rely on.

  Though my ten seasons in Europe, I've probably experienced every scenario you can as a basketball player, positive and negative, on the court and off. I've learned to make due, adjust, and have had an overall positive experience, no matter what. And it's made me a better-prepared, more well-rounded person because of it.